Clarity From Within

My love is there inside of you- I sent that package by mail

And in receiving it, you smiled

More and more wants

More and more questions

Understanding, how can you

If you go under me, you may sink

My love

But not really

And if you stand too much you will get tired

So you sit into clarity 

from within

and you ponder...

You are there 

And as if it began 

To rain

You began to praise my

god above, inside you

With sweet kisses, as they landed under

under me, my love

and over me...

You caught it

Clarity from within.

I Just Breathe Differently

I breathe differently
Apparently unrecognizably
to others but I feel it
I feel the narrowness of my pecho, my chest
caves into a box of sand, filled with jewels
And little crystals cut out the air that mingles
with the future of my body's spirit
But still my body's vibrancy lives though
among the little ghostly water drops from
that rock that longs so much to be touched

And like me It feels the need to say:
"I breathe differently" from the mounted
fairies that loom in the cave of my deceased
shell, my empty bucketed thoughts
my empty pushed out tears landing in the sea
of the unknown...

but I breathe differently- And although it was I
I have chosen to lift a mountain
I feel lighter now... The mountain must
give life unlike empty boxes or
puffed filled balloons

The breath isn't so much encased
not really, it appears that the reason I breathe
differently it is because I have decided to
surround myself with possibilities that
at times carry me through deserted territories
and in building new pathways
I find that I am not alone,
I just breathe a little differently. 

Clowns Are Not Welcomed Here

I have something to say but then

I can't stand the parades of clowns walking into my head
They wear these suits and walk around with titles on their faces
They never pick up a toolbox to build
never ever give a hand but find just
Sheer embroidery coming from the inside and outside of their heads

Even I can’t be fooled

While the clowns are gnawing at me

Making noise to re-disturb the patience I’ve cultivated

The strength I was born with

Has been played on

Has been fucked with

But I can’t really be fooled

I have something to say but then

I can’t stand up now with you around me

Because your smell has made this home

An abandoned warehouse with paint buckets spillings

You'd think that clowns would be a little more “together”

But here they are with

Another place to sleep… you think

But Even I can’t be fooled

Even I in this state that I’m in

It’s over, because the earth has thrown me into this alone

It has spanked me with its wretched hands

And I have learned my lesson

Having a weight on my shoulders can be a drag

So I will put you down

And keep you away from my flying spirit

Because it’s time to party

Clowns are not welcomed here. 

Never Empty

There is but a start to a feeling and then

It leaves your body only to return

So you can feel it…

Because without a stop there isn’t a go

There is a beginning-

Only

There is but a start

And in renewing; life becomes adventure

Life is a venture into the wild

And why know tomorrow when today is bare

And this moment, still here, hasn’t even left you

You are never empty; you just don’t want to be full

Because… it is the act of filling that makes life worth living

The doing

The being

The living

The beginning to the beginning

Of feeling – eternal newness into how the word began

Deep in you, a start to what life was always meant to be:

Never Empty.

All Gone From Life

I don't think like a flower anymore
I know I can't live past a moment
because they've taken me
out from my roots
And I use to drink and eat from the soil
and now I return to it
all gone from life

I know I can't come back.
I can't come back like they promise in some sights
or some storybooks...
once I've lost all power
my veins become naught
and I start to dwindle painlessly
I do

I don't think like a flower anymore
well, like I did when I was young
I didn't think that life depended
on earth's riches
That I stood without help... without.
I hadn't realized that a human
would come, cut me out one day
And I had to depend on his kindness instead 
 
I was so used to the sun returning to face me
to warm me, to love me

I don't think like a flower anymore
because I have seen myself
fall and without strength 
I fall to never to stand tall again, to come back
But I disappear into the soil like
My mother and her sisters have
I wish I'd known that my time here was timed

I have grown a little too late
And a little too late I'm learned.

I Am Not Guilty

I captured the bird with my eyes closed
It was white and now
I have to face the doubt that I have
Was he the one to pay for all my sins?
Am I not guilty or do I pretend-
the day is now
that I begin to feel a drop of rain on my forehead
I feel so dry inside
I have been caring the wrong way
Making him breathless and
making him squirm
when all I needed was to quietly suffer
I needed to put my hands on my mouth instead?
No!
I needed to tell Him that I too am deserving
That I too am white like he

I captured the bird with my black hands
My hands had all but been my friend
And I'm not guilty still
I am not brought upon the white gleaming
light to say: I am guilty.

I held the bird tightly
with all my need
because I too am white just
deeper inside than you
I too am white although my skin is black

You captured me and then you let me go
You captured me
you knew that with my broken legs
I couldn't fly
you left my pieces lying there
And without shame you say:
I am not guilty
But you are too.

I Turned To Dust

I went up the mountain
in order to see clearly
and while I was there
There you were
jumping over lower hills...
I was watching you
Waiting for that whisper
That lulled me to sleep some years ago

I had climbed to reach you
nakedly in view
but you were too busy riding on
the tail of the wind to feel my gaze
Or to see that I have been with you
and not quite away from you
Reaching toward you and hoping
you'd want to come and stand by me...

So I stood there alone, almost paralyzed
by the cold and wind that blew
some 20 years off me
And I oh child, I am,
dressed with golden leaves
Yes, quite aware of my weakness

I saw you riding the tail of it
Smiling about the very thing
I couldn't understand, and I cried
Because something inside me said
"Oh child, you can't go back down
You are way to young to fly among the rest"
and the wind just stopped and you kept riding it
How can it be?
and I cried and cried till the rain
and I became the incarnation of time...
And I turned to dust
right then. 

Roses That Die

You gave me paper roses
That night
and you looked at me with your expectant eyes
and wanted me to believe
Are they real?
They are here
still but the reason why it came to me
The reason why I hold them near
has somewhat disappeared
it has wilted... just like that

And you don't ask me if I love you
And you don't want to know
how you feel
for me, and will I ever walk the streets
with these roses... in the rain
in the snow or during this starry evening
with my hands all sweaty
Could they survive
the judgement of time taking my throat
and choking me... with memories

You gave me paper roses
And I can't remember when
You gave me roses that die
(it's timely life
lives always in our minds
in beauty and in nature)

You gave me paper roses
because you were afraid I'd
desert you? and so it was safer to take
the time to make them
but now..
I cry and I hold these
hoping that my memory will suffice
That this love I have is roses that die.

And I do love you because they
have landed here in the desert of my mind
hoping to live, passed me and always.

Please Be Patient

I will follow you and you'll follow me
And I will go places with you
paved or unpaved
but I can't right now.

I am feeling rather unwell
and a little unswell

I will carry your bags
and lift the weight from your shoulders
I will walk for miles for you or with you
but I can't right now

I am feeling rather unwell
and a little unswell

I will tell my friends and my friend's friends
to help you if you fall
and to know that is because I'm unwell
and feeling unswell that
I need their help to help you
Go... 
but
not for long
you'll see

I will hear you sing anywhere
and I will sing with you everywhere
I will talk you up
and never talk you down
I will paint a picture of you in the sun
and maybe one in the rain
to cleanse all your pain
I will drink a cup of tea now
and offer you one aswell
I will have a smile on my face
but I won't pretend
that I'm feeling well
Cause I'm feeling unwell 
and a little unswell...

Please be patient.

I Have Nothing To Say

I have nothing to say
but I am full of nothing
so i hope that by the end
of this, something can come
can give.

I try. I am here. I try. I do.

I still have nothing to say
except I will say this
Since I have nothing to say it is possibly
because I do, have too much to say

But my words are not coming together
The union of words, like
an awaiting bride
keeping herself from leaving... 
her undergarment has the color
red just like the color of love
and the color of death

So If I have nothing to say
it is probably because
the red I see is the red
I refuse to see
I scream: Why are you here in my darkness?
When all I could see is black.

I'd learn to appreciate you
when you leave...
away from me
my body is full of you
but I can't seem to have red
undergarments...
They are grey with envy
and blue with sadness
and black with anger

I have nothing to say
because If I speak these words will turn to dust
and I'll find the treasure of life hard to reach
And you think you know me
I hate you think you know me
When I myself, try to creep
into my own dreams
I myself climb to reach for myself
I go even to the deepest sea
where my fear lurks to find me
and you think you know me?

I have nothing to say.
So I won't pretend to
be giving
I have nothing to give in fact, so I will say nothing
Nothing.

When Water Runs

When water begins to flow
I feel the sensation coming into me and
Out it goes

When I start to preach to reach or to teach
I feel the involuntary nature in me
Crumble and build a steady pace
When water runs

When water runs it's
Daylight in the darkness
And warm in the cold
Temperatures rise when waters run

Deeper and down under
Or harder than stone
I am scolded
I am bruised
I am battered
With love

When water runs.

On The Ground

When I remember you
is when I look into your eyes
and find that there is nothing about you
that I see...

You change with the seasons
you stay the same
but you've added layers to you
I can't recognize you anymore
or any less
but it hurts because you hurt

I am broken because I see the cracks
I am broken because I see myself glued together
when pieces of me are on the ground
(remnants of the pain?)
I don't blame you for this
but I can't blame myself either

What is the use of crying when
the rain outside keeps clearing me
I see the dirt 
where it was once at home inside me
sliding down on to the ground...

I cry.

When I Run Into You Again

The day I ran into you
was the day that clouds
began to crowd me
and darkness became darker,
mainly because of the happiness
I hoped you'd bring 
and the rain began to fall 
with all my hopes and dreams... through cracks
Because I hadn't learned
how to hold them

And so now I sit here
Scared, not knowing what
tomorrow brings
Sometimes trying hard to blink
and feeling sensitive to everything around
me (and my cat with his claws gnaw at me)
And I remember that instant
when I ran so fast to you that the rain couldn't touch me
It's almost like the blue of the sky had decided to forgive me
for not know what to do
when I ran into you

And I hold on to you, in memory
And I hold on to us
Was I ever happy in the midst of
all of my aches, was I once a soldier
in the rain, or the spark in all your darkness
When I ran into you... I wasn't quite aware
why the clouds were all around me
but the persistent darkness
wasn't bad after all

When the rain comes rushing down
I will cup my hands and pretend
That this rain that falls
are my real dreams
And I'll be catching on to nature
When I run into you again

How Long Can This Last?

If I become an illusion

It would only be to you

Because you choose to be with me

Without me

You spend days and nights 

Without me

And I sit in my frozen chair 

with you in me

But how long can this last?

I am two times heartbroken 

and one time alive

how can I survive 

Without me 

and you do well 

Without me

How long can the fire last

under water

under pressure

under and after all

How long can your breath live

without me

inside of me

How long can this last? 

When I myself weep with the rain

and I myself scream with the wind

and I myself feel like a storm

How long can this last? 

And although I feel like "the game is on me"

I feel like I've won

(because) as tragic as this may seem

I live, heartbroken 

But I live

I Am Something Else

I am not a pilgrim 

My shoes have barely touched the ground

Barely have I learned to knit

My fingers stiff with thoughts

They are my weapons, for uselessness

For numbing, poor pilgrims

Worshipers of sort

Believers

Devoted to what?

What have they learned in their travels?

Pilgrim, wise- not

A name fitted for very little wonder

Wandering to be called pilgrims!

I am not a pilgrim, nor I thrive to be

Religion makes them kneel 

pleading

To excuse nature?

To supplicate for what Mother has given

Freedom… 

I am not a pilgrim because I am 

Something else

And though I've barely learned a lesson

needless to say two

I have nature free in me

walking aligned

From  Within.

I Am Not A Poet

I am not a poet because
my words come together
they make very little sense
most of the time
It's because I'm hurting
or because I'm lost
and want to find my way with words

I am not a poet because
I can with my fingers type
But when a true poet writes
he's found meaning
and words having their way
break through
splatters of thought
become the paper's words
and that is what a poet is

I am not a poet
Because I am little
A poet is bigger than life
And my life is worth a dime
today

I am not a poet
and I'm not ashamed to say it.
But if one day, (maybe soon)
I begin to feel otherwise
I will probably embrace it 
fall back on my natural wit
and say with my actor voice:
I am a poet.

I Am Yours

I must forget my song

the one that says:

"How can I be yours?"

Now I am sitting in a crisis

I cry but the visiting tear stays upstairs

In the attic of my dreams

So I see someone else’s…

Someone else’s lamp

Lighting above the distance of You

You become my moon and I hope to become your-

All these thoughts revisiting all these wishes

So…must I, must I, must I!? 

I must forget-

My song continues to ride down that road alone

I must forget- this song

Right now though the darkness wins

One hundred percent here

Somewhere else at this very moment 

I win but not here

I feel like a loser

Because I have lost

That song that once was mine now

is lost. 

That song that still says:

"How can I be yours?"

 

I am yours but you're not mine

so I've lost. 

Contemplating My Very Existence

It has a way of walking in

Love, sometimes blind

But never deaf

As it slithers swiftly through 

the very cracks

It feels right at times

And sometimes it feels just wrong

For me to be so onward!

Love, you have a face that only I recognize

When I myself love

When I myself live

The small ticking of my heart has a way

Of making music to yours

I feel more love in my love

Because I listen,

You lighting with your breath my candle

It does light up the orbit, the world

My very existence resonates

They see me, and see what goddess you turned me into

You with your very brush, take me

for who I am, never mistaking me for a flower

but always giving me water to live

Eagerly you help me contemplate my very existence

Love, you walk in to what love I have

And for that very reason... It lives!

The World In My Hands

The world is truly in my hands

I understand that I can hold it now

Because you make the blood inside

Of me scream

And I beam

And I myself scream

The world trembles in me too

When you too

Begin to scream with me

I then lean

I feel and think

I break when you break

You break because I can’t hold you

Like I hold the world

But you beam

And you scream too

The world is truly in my hands

I understand you 

the way I think

I can see

But I am blind to you

When you can see

Please see!

I beam, and you beam

And now we’re one.

Then the world is truly in my hands.

BUTTERFLY INSIDE OF ME

Butterfly come land inside of me
I have turned you into one
Inside of me.

Your colors are like I am to a man
Here and now
Inside me

Cover me,  but don't let me bleed
Because I am only human
A woman
Fill me up with lights
And drown me
But know that I am only human
Music is not here
Inside of me

Oh butterfly land inside me
and find me
Blind me
and let me not see
what you are outside me

Inside of me
I know you breathe better
Inside of me
I know you're meant to be
Inside of me
I do believe
That you inside of me
Live.

The Dame Releases All Her Pain

The Dame releases all her pain

Pounding on to him

As for her, still unfulfilled 

and frustrated

Abandoned-

Left on his doorstep

A care package for anyone ready to receive it

Still work ahead

The Dame releases all her pain

Prickly little things flooding her head 

with undesired thoughts

His,
all this is still ahead

Dame can't see

How is one to get better 

Without the want to get better

Self inflicting pain

Leaving earth, oh that thought-

Dame numbed for a while till

Then comes her Knight and shining armor

And lifting his sword

Cuts himself and bleeds all over Dame
Releasing all her wants and needs

and all the choices come flooding down on her

Now Dame is ready to recover strength

keeping her busy: licking the wounds of Knight

The Dame has purpose now.

A Question To My Lover (Nothing)

I am now a question to my lover

My lover knows nothing

If it is all

That’s all he knows

Does "nothing" mean he needs to know?

A thought, is thought but buried low

And so it’s hard for him to hear

I want to speak and yet I mute

I mute tonight, so he can’t hear…

what

Nothing’s said

I am now a question to my lover

Nothing is the word to birth a zero

And so nothing (white noise possibly)

Is all that’s uttered 

with lips so tight

A fighter, who am I

If my lover knows nothing

He waits to hear and so time passes

Yet I near to nothing, still

I lock my deed and beg him (hmm)

Practically unannounced, my words

Come tumbling and tumbling they land on zero

And nothing worded

I am now a question to myself

And what am I, what I desire to be had?

I am to say… without a word

Nothing.

Between This Madness

It is a feeling between confusion and anger where these tears lie

It is more like what, than why 

I am confronted with

What is

I am in here- in my body

Yet I am not sure why

Why do I ask why in my answers

Or is it my quest or my journey to be

To live inside these…

So I walk or crawl

Sit or stand

In the midst of this

So I ask and cry for a release

And want to be held ever so close

Guarded from my own anger and fears

Guarded from my own perpetration

Relaxing somewhere deep in my imagination

Ever so briefly…

Ever so

Between this madness

These questions.

Life Was Here

Here I am, in my discontent

Red and thorny

All I am

Overbearing

Flower

Heathen scent. “Life Was here”

My displeasure lives (without hesitation) 

My home

My garden, blooming yet

I am – that posted sign

After all: I am

It is I the one dispairing 

Or is it everything around me?

I am wet- Oh mindless rain!

Without a slight sense of measure

I am torn beautifully

Left to die- no mourning

“Life Was Here”

Bright angel

Who lights me

Sweet and bitter- bitter sweet

for sure- I know

What beauty is left here- what beauty lies

what beauty dies

here, I am.

Diagnosed By Me

If I determine for myself

What I can't for myself determine

I begin to with a question, search

No desperation, no pressures

Because the answer is, without a doubt,

Right here with me

If I determine that it is

But I never appointed this other thing

This fallen feather, this rain

To help me with determining...

The acquisition of answers are natural to my persona

It comes naturally

So If I do well, with my considered

determination, use all of me with a little help 

from nature, I will always be established

And diagnosed by me, as me-

Complete and fully germinated!

I With Silence Lie

I with silence lie

Sorrow just like my sorrow

Cries just like my cries

Laughter- oh like an echo rises into the sky

Silence with- I lie

Golden at times and at times moldy

Hallow like deeper than air in a cave

And a cast of ants dancing to Silence

I would love to see

Myself receiving the message that it delivers

But it’s my state to be

To lie and wait for (my) silence

In the midst of the night even sounds manifest

Leaving even less room for my silencing port

So if I thought at once, the shutting of eyes or

The shooting of thoughts would have silence

At my door, all these knocks at my door…

Deliver me even more lies

Sorrow knows sorrow well

My cries, my laughter-

My Silence.

You're Not Here (I'm a Widow For Now)

There is a quiet space in my soul

It calls your hands to me

And you climb down my legs and down

Between my toes

I feel this intense yearning

But you’re not here

Not because I don’t feel you but because

You really are not here-

The clock on my wall does seem to count--

Look I remember you 

In my body… clearly

So I hang upside down

just to allow the blood

Which is you

To travel up (or down) my throat

My stomach is empty and I feel…

Lost for a moment.

Where are you! My mind screams

And like a flash

Of thought

Of you

Appear this you I know

And you walk into this dark room

And with your toes you dig in

then you check my strings

Making sure they are still strong?

(since born from a scorn I was)

I feel you

But I know you are not here

-My shoulders have carried this face

For so long that even now

I’m grateful to have it

And blood rushes into my eyes

And I see that my dreams are nothing like yours

You are awake somewhere, not here

You are possibly crying or holding yourself so tightly

That I feel it, but you’re not here

My stomach is empty

god! you’re not here

To feed me or give me water

I pull and yank the strings that have held me

Ever so far from the ground

And I finally fall

Yes, all my pieces fall so hard that 

my left elbow brakes

And my face, which has for so many years

Protected me, as much as harmed me

Finally finds peace on the ground

And the finger imprints you left goes

And this peace takes over me 

You’re not here

So if you’re not here could it be that

What was will never be 

Or what will be will be

Like you, I don’t know

I’m a widow for now.

I Can't Invent You

There I am walking under the umbrella

Of heaven

I was almost caught up

With you again

You made me scream but the sound muted

Left me

You dream like I dream but my dreams

Take on a new meaning when I meet you

again

You walk away like I walk away

You speak away like I speak away

So you bruise me like I bruise me

And I confuse my steps with yours

Because today is Monday

A day in the month of June

And I still love you

I’m walking under the umbrella of heaven

Blue and filled with clouds I walk

Needless to say, you know

I can’t invent you like you invent me

You made me up somewhere in your dreams

Like I made you mine some years ago

And now I pay for it- another go

At it

I was caught up with your smile

But it gave me a shock

And I knew where I had to go…

Walking away like you walk away

With some sign

of salvation

It means some intervention

Will be taking place but I can’t resist

Playing games with the rules

If rules are made to be broken

Than I want to break them just

To rebuild them-

You walk away and you want me

To stay (like a dog

Kneeling at the foot of the door)

Yet you walk away

Where I in no way could reach you

So because today is Monday

A day in the month of June

I still love you

This Was Yesterday

The girl with her curls (beautiful fro)

Runs down the street with a ripe banana

The woman's legs are quite nice

But her shoes seems to be ruining her posture...

The mother sits there fixing her daughters hair - 

she pulls it back tightly and pins it... somewhat indelicately

She is lost, clutching a paper and she asks: 

where is ninth avenue, where is ninth avenue? 

A mother stands up, ready to leave with her son- 

he looks like he suffered a terrible injury... 

the left side of his cheek is covered in stitches. 

And I wonder: why does this happen?

A man's legs the size of his neighbor?

A ragged looking woman could be a very important person.

A man called Spike Lee strollin' into Starbucks.

A one arm man sitting in the train-

He looked empty... his eyes.

The rain is in my eyes!

And a long day full of adventure.... it ends now. 

This was Tuesday- yesterday. 

I See You

I will always, deep where there are no birds flying

Love you when there are no other breathing things

Taking life out of me

Because I think you know…

It’s hard to breath right now

I know you walk down the pathway because it’s been paved

(Foolishly I will be there)

Where the shit has turned to stone

Where the smell of you has taken many forms

Where the word LOVE has become a statue

I stand there, right inside it

I see you

I will always, deep where there are no other yous

Be under your…

Under your strength and under your smoke

Breathing a deep, deep sigh

I walk by the tree that has lost it roots from too much hurt

The pain, my window pain isn’t quite seeing you like I see you

That is because you’re always walking

Walking passed it and on it and in it

I see you

I will always, deep where there are only burning branches

Because I don’t mind…

My tired legs have been pulsating

And I have been poisoning myself

with more thoughts of you

It’s okay that you can’t dig

It’s okay that you won’t be

Until I open my eyes for good

And close them for bad and badly hurt doing so

I was born to bruise

Since, wait

I see you

I will always, deep inside fight against you- with you

Because I love you

I see you

I do. 

Hips of Earth

These boots are broken 
New notes are set to rhyme
Unglued by how well the thyme-
Has the moon shone 
In the bottom of the boat?
Only to glow from it's burning sun
And to thrust the hips of earth on the barren sun

And so I walk on bleak and lifeless lands
And lift my broken arms 
To the dessert of my soul

What I've nurtured from my citrus tree
My friend here has ripped it's leaves
And left the instincts of the barren Mothers crying
Without pain "I can not live" 
Without You I will just die- 
So I won't survive this thirsty earth- 
I will live in some other earth instead!
With out you.

The Gray Of Your Heart

When I think of how much love I have to offer

And I think of how much I can do at once

I realize that we weren’t created to always give

But to receive-  a gift

So, if I can’t receive (... I am also selfish?)

What is love?

Is it a deep intense feeling?

Like a tornado: grabbing, pulling and pushing your skeleton

Everyday marking you inside

On the gray of your heart

And you suffer or you make others suffer?

Or is love like ice on a summer day

Sitting in central park

Licking away at your icicle

Or in a winter day

Sitting on the rooftop of your building

Feeling like an icicle yourself

And having no one around to lick you

What is love?  Just another stupid

Stupid question.

You Only Know What I Want You To...

You only know what I want you to...

So I will sit on this bread and hope you have the butter

I will walk to the park and wait to hear from you

My phone, I left it home

(I lost it actually)

I will sit at the bus stop waiting for you until

You come pick me up

I will go to the store hoping you will come rescue me

(I gave my last dollars to the guy on the corner with his dirty cup clinking)

I will go to the beach and hope you will come fish me out

I will go to the bakery and hope you will walk in to feed me

(Something sweet)

I will go to the Halloween shop and hope than on my birthday

You on bended knee offer me a plastic ring

(And say: I’ve been waiting for you all my life)

I will walk to the corner of my room and stand there till

I see the shadow of your feet from the bottom of my door

And I will walk to the cemetery with flowers in my hands

And offer them to the many dead loved ones that no one loved

And I will wait by the lottery bank and wait for that

Ring in my ear to disappear and for you to appear

And I will wait in the middle of the highway hoping

You will be driving slow enough to see me

I will be there waiting. Waiting and hoping for you to come

In any form to do what you want to do

Because you only know what I want you to… 

Which means you know more than me

When you do.

How I Died

I left my brain on the window of the car

Splattered

I felt the bullet ride through me and into the back seat

The last sound I heard was you

“What happened!!”

My pulse was slowing down and I felt

The warmth of my body begin to leave and

Enter into dust

Humid air filled with the smell of dirty

Underwear

I felt a tingling in my right foot

Pain in my left and I felt your skin for a moment

a moment

And then, as if drowning my heart slowly

Tightened and my soul left me

I felt it.

That is when I saw the whole of the earth

The air filled with white light

And the tremor of my being

Go…

Go and go… till the rest of the world seized to exist and

Then it Was THE END.

The End of Earth: So Be It

If earth has decided that the time has come to throw

Us down a never ending tube

Us fragile things

Then I guess so be it

I have control over nothing… 

Except of my needs

Sometimes: When I need it’s because

This little hand lifts you

like a crushed piece of paper

Flings you to your need

Sometimes

You land on water and that is it for you

Sometimes

You land on more air and land on dirt

And hope you that this need has a better idea

If earth has decided that this is the time to burn

I want to be a rock

But heaven knows I could only look like one

Because inside there: little worms are waiting to breath

And fragile still I would be

If earth decided that this is the time to burst

I want to be filled- hot air myself so that I can fly…

But I am here, just a human made up of

Skin and bones, fragile.

Fragile, Frafile, Fragile!

So so be it. I have no control in the end- I am of the earth and

I will live pass the earth and into that tube

Then so be it.

I Was There

I was there when I realized

I had arrived

But It was too late!

I think the bus was gone before I had

even decided to leave

But if that is true then 

that’s unfair

Oh, that word is a ridiculous one, isn’t it?

Un fair means what? So I leave

Like tulips stop living after spring has noticed

And leaves leave trees after it has enjoyed its flourish

It’s like loving a woman, but nobody understands the beast

She is poison because when you drink too much of her

She kills you. She makes you warm and then she leaves

Like those leaves

And then men, when you love a man

He finally understands you a little then it gets too scary

So he runs under the bed and wishes he never came out of the womb

He hates not to be understood but for you to understand that- hell

(They need you to be a ghost?)

get them taken care of 

but then make sure you leave no trace behind, will you!?

It’s a puzzle. 

I was there when I realized

I have arrived

She is on top of that tree and he is under ground, right below.

But I think I have it all wrong.

I have changed (the map) because since the bus done leave

I won’t stand here being stood up.

SO with her poison and his will to stay confused

“Only one thing at a time woman!”

I had arrived here because I am still wishing to be

My self in this world… and you be a man in this maiden earth

I should care - so I do

And I write you on my books so that you notice me

A beast, a ghost and you misunderstood and puzzled by it. 

I Stroll With My Parts All Apart

I strolled with my head in my hand.

I fell with my heart in my arms

I stood with my chest on my back

So I live with my parts all apart

And people like that- don’t they?

Is it because I am unusual.

Unusually stomped

Breast-less lover

Beastly thoughtful

And unforgettably fucked up

That, that attracts you?

I stroll with my parts all apart because

I see you so perfectly placed and in tune

And I can’t bare looking like you in this deserted place

SO I walk this way and that way so you can see that I am-

I, I am a dream in this dreadful place

I am standing like a miracle

Placed

I am, standing and you look at me

As if there is something “unique”

But what you experience is you in me

But I am stubborn

Because I was alone when I came to earth

They took me away

And made me, me for a whole day

I was sent to this cubicle and my umbilical cord

Broke, in his hands, in her hands

So I stroll with my parts all apart

And give thanks (to the above)

That I am a gift to the world

Or at least I think, you think?

I stroll with all my dreams and I see them leave me

I fall with my heart in my arms, but I hold it tight

Not to suffocate it but to embrace it

And I stand here naked, clothed with embarrassment

That you haven’t noticed

All of me

Here standing with my parts all apart

You can’t stop until you feel the weight of my shoulders

Lighten

Because that is why this place was created

To deliver me to me.

www.ivettedumeng.com

When I love /// He is a Man

When I love

I love for nothing

I feel an intense feeling and then it turns

Into wingless birds

Grounded

Filled with truth and boundless on earth

It says “come” this love

When I love

I let you hold me

When I Love

I love for nothing

Because there

this feeling is bountiful

And spiritful

When I love

I am a child and know nothing

But I feel helpless and then

I realize I love

So when you love

That is the lesson learned

------

My father is alone

With absolutely no head

He leads the pack to territories

Of danger… underground bombs?

The air there is…

If you breathe it you will feel a tightness in your chest

And you will probably die

My father is alone because

I left

Because I don’t understand why

Can’t you just SLOW DOWN!

I begin to under- stand the

Reason but I have to admit

I don’t like it

My father is not alone because I left

He’s alone because he’s misunderstood-

He is a man.