Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Clarity From Within

My love is there inside of you- I sent that package by mail
And in receiving it, you smiled
More and more wants
More and more questions
Understanding, how can you
If you go under me, you may sink
My love
But not really
And if you stand too much you will get tired
So you sit into clarity 
from within
and you ponder...

You are there 
And as if it began 
To rain
You began to praise my
god above, inside you
With sweet kisses, as they landed under
under me, my love
and over me...
You caught it
Clarity from within.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I Just Breathe Differently

I breathe differently
Apparently unrecognizably
to others but I feel it
I feel the narrowness of my pecho, my chest
caves into a box of sand, filled with jewels
And little crystals cut out the air that mingles
with the future of my body's spirit
But still my body's vibrancy lives though
among the little ghostly water drops from
that rock that longs so much to be touched

And like me It feels the need to say:
"I breathe differently" from the mounted
fairies that loom in the cave of my deceased
shell, my empty bucketed thoughts
my empty pushed out tears landing in the sea
of the unknown...

but I breathe differently- And although it was I
I have chosen to lift a mountain
I feel lighter now... The mountain must
give life unlike empty boxes or
puffed filled balloons

The breath isn't so much encased
not really, it appears that the reason I breathe
differently it is because I have decided to
surround myself with possibilities that
at times carry me through deserted territories
and in building new pathways
I find that I am not alone,
I just breathe a little differently. 

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Clowns Are Not Welcomed Here

I have something to say but then
I can't stand the parades of clowns walking into my head
They wear these suits and walk around with titles on their faces
They never pick up a toolbox to build
never ever give a hand but find just
Sheer embroidery coming from the inside and outside of their heads

Even I can’t be fooled
While the clowns are gnawing at me
Making noise to re-disturb the patience I’ve cultivated
The strength I was born with
Has been played on
Has been fucked with
But I can’t really be fooled

I have something to say but then
I can’t stand up now with you around me
Because your smell has made this home
An abandoned warehouse with paint buckets spillings
You'd think that clowns would be a little more “together”
But here they are with
Another place to sleep… you think

But Even I can’t be fooled
Even I in this state that I’m in
It’s over, because the earth has thrown me into this alone
It has spanked me with its wretched hands
And I have learned my lesson

Having a weight on my shoulders can be a drag
So I will put you down
And keep you away from my flying spirit
Because it’s time to party
Clowns are not welcomed here. 

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Never Empty

There is but a start to a feeling and then
It leaves your body only to return
So you can feel it…
Because without a stop there isn’t a go
There is a beginning-
There is but a start
And in renewing; life becomes adventure
Life is a venture into the wild
And why know tomorrow when today is bare
And this moment, still here, hasn’t even left you
You are never empty; you just don’t want to be full
Because… it is the act of filling that makes life worth living
The doing
The being
The living
The beginning to the beginning
Of feeling – eternal newness into how the word began
Deep in you, a start to what life was always meant to be:
Never Empty.

Friday, October 28, 2011

All Gone From Life

I don't think like a flower anymore
I know I can't live past a moment
because they've taken me
out from my roots
And I use to drink and eat from the soil
and now I return to it
all gone from life

I know I can't come back.
I can't come back like they promise in some sights
or some storybooks...
once I've lost all power
my veins become naught
and I start to dwindle painlessly
I do

I don't think like a flower anymore
well, like I did when I was young
I didn't think that life depended
on earth's riches
That I stood without help... without.
I hadn't realized that a human
would come, cut me out one day
And I had to depend on his kindness instead 
I was so used to the sun returning to face me
to warm me, to love me

I don't think like a flower anymore
because I have seen myself
fall and without strength 
I fall to never to stand tall again, to come back
But I disappear into the soil like
My mother and her sisters have
I wish I'd known that my time here was timed

I have grown a little too late
And a little too late I'm learned.

Friday, October 21, 2011

I Am Not Guilty

I captured the bird with my eyes closed
It was white and now
I have to face the doubt that I have
Was he the one to pay for all my sins?
Am I not guilty or do I pretend-
the day is now
that I begin to feel a drop of rain on my forehead
I feel so dry inside
I have been caring the wrong way
Making him breathless and
making him squirm
when all I needed was to quietly suffer
I needed to put my hands on my mouth instead?
I needed to tell Him that I too am deserving
That I too am white like he

I captured the bird with my black hands
My hands had all but been my friend
And I'm not guilty still
I am not brought upon the white gleaming
light to say: I am guilty.

I held the bird tightly
with all my need
because I too am white just
deeper inside than you
I too am white although my skin is black

You captured me and then you let me go
You captured me
you knew that with my broken legs
I couldn't fly
you left my pieces lying there
And without shame you say:
I am not guilty
But you are too.

Monday, October 17, 2011

I Turned To Dust

I went up the mountain
in order to see clearly
and while I was there
There you were
jumping over lower hills...
I was watching you
Waiting for that whisper
That lulled me to sleep some years ago

I had climbed to reach you
nakedly in view
but you were too busy riding on
the tail of the wind to feel my gaze
Or to see that I have been with you
and not quite away from you
Reaching toward you and hoping
you'd want to come and stand by me...

So I stood there alone, almost paralyzed
by the cold and wind that blew
some 20 years off me
And I oh child, I am,
dressed with golden leaves
Yes, quite aware of my weakness

I saw you riding the tail of it
Smiling about the very thing
I couldn't understand, and I cried
Because something inside me said
"Oh child, you can't go back down
You are way to young to fly among the rest"
and the wind just stopped and you kept riding it
How can it be?
and I cried and cried till the rain
and I became the incarnation of time...
And I turned to dust
right then. 

Friday, September 30, 2011

Roses That Die

You gave me paper roses
That night
and you looked at me with your expectant eyes
and wanted me to believe
Are they real?
They are here
still but the reason why it came to me
The reason why I hold them near
has somewhat disappeared
it has wilted... just like that

And you don't ask me if I love you
And you don't want to know
how you feel
for me, and will I ever walk the streets
with these roses... in the rain
in the snow or during this starry evening
with my hands all sweaty
Could they survive
the judgement of time taking my throat
and choking me... with memories

You gave me paper roses
And I can't remember when
You gave me roses that die
(it's timely life
lives always in our minds
in beauty and in nature)

You gave me paper roses
because you were afraid I'd
desert you? and so it was safer to take
the time to make them
but now..
I cry and I hold these
hoping that my memory will suffice
That this love I have is roses that die.

And I do love you because they
have landed here in the desert of my mind
hoping to live, passed me and always.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Please Be Patient

I will follow you and you'll follow me
And I will go places with you
paved or unpaved
but I can't right now.

I am feeling rather unwell
and a little unswell

I will carry your bags
and lift the weight from your shoulders
I will walk for miles for you or with you
but I can't right now

I am feeling rather unwell
and a little unswell

I will tell my friends and my friend's friends
to help you if you fall
and to know that is because I'm unwell
and feeling unswell that
I need their help to help you
not for long
you'll see

I will hear you sing anywhere
and I will sing with you everywhere
I will talk you up
and never talk you down
I will paint a picture of you in the sun
and maybe one in the rain
to cleanse all your pain
I will drink a cup of tea now
and offer you one aswell
I will have a smile on my face
but I won't pretend
that I'm feeling well
Cause I'm feeling unwell 
and a little unswell...

Please be patient.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

I Have Nothing To Say

I have nothing to say
but I am full of nothing
so i hope that by the end
of this, something can come
can give.

I try. I am here. I try. I do.

I still have nothing to say
except I will say this
Since I have nothing to say it is possibly
because I do, have too much to say

But my words are not coming together
The union of words, like
an awaiting bride
keeping herself from leaving... 
her undergarment has the color
red just like the color of love
and the color of death

So If I have nothing to say
it is probably because
the red I see is the red
I refuse to see
I scream: Why are you here in my darkness?
When all I could see is black.

I'd learn to appreciate you
when you leave...
away from me
my body is full of you
but I can't seem to have red
They are grey with envy
and blue with sadness
and black with anger

I have nothing to say
because If I speak these words will turn to dust
and I'll find the treasure of life hard to reach
And you think you know me
I hate you think you know me
When I myself, try to creep
into my own dreams
I myself climb to reach for myself
I go even to the deepest sea
where my fear lurks to find me
and you think you know me?

I have nothing to say.
So I won't pretend to
be giving
I have nothing to give in fact, so I will say nothing

Sunday, September 18, 2011

When Water Runs

When water begins to flow
I feel the sensation coming into me and
Out it goes

When I start to preach to reach or to teach
I feel the involuntary nature in me
Crumble and build a steady pace
When water runs

When water runs it's
Daylight in the darkness
And warm in the cold
Temperatures rise when waters run

Deeper and down under
Or harder than stone
I am scolded
I am bruised
I am battered
With love

When water runs.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

On The Ground

When I remember you
is when I look into your eyes
and find that there is nothing about you
that I see...

You change with the seasons
you stay the same
but you've added layers to you
I can't recognize you anymore
or any less
but it hurts because you hurt

I am broken because I see the cracks
I am broken because I see myself glued together
when pieces of me are on the ground
(remnants of the pain?)
I don't blame you for this
but I can't blame myself either

What is the use of crying when
the rain outside keeps clearing me
I see the dirt 
where it was once at home inside me
sliding down on to the ground...

I cry.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

When I Run Into You Again

The day I ran into you
was the day that clouds
began to crowd me
and darkness became darker,
mainly because of the happiness
I hoped you'd bring 
and the rain began to fall 
with all my hopes and dreams... through cracks
Because I hadn't learned
how to hold them

And so now I sit here
Scared, not knowing what
tomorrow brings
Sometimes trying hard to blink
and feeling sensitive to everything around
me (and my cat with his claws gnaw at me)
And I remember that instant
when I ran so fast to you that the rain couldn't touch me
It's almost like the blue of the sky had decided to forgive me
for not know what to do
when I ran into you

And I hold on to you, in memory
And I hold on to us
Was I ever happy in the midst of
all of my aches, was I once a soldier
in the rain, or the spark in all your darkness
When I ran into you... I wasn't quite aware
why the clouds were all around me
but the persistent darkness
wasn't bad after all

When the rain comes rushing down
I will cup my hands and pretend
That this rain that falls
are my real dreams
And I'll be catching on to nature
When I run into you again

Saturday, August 27, 2011

How Long Can This Last?

If I become an illusion
It would only be to you
Because you choose to be with me
Without me

You spend days and nights 
Without me
And I sit in my frozen chair 
with you in me
But how long can this last?
I am two times heartbroken 
and one time alive
how can I survive 
Without me 
and you do well 
Without me

How long can the fire last
under water
under pressure
under and after all
How long can your breath live
without me
inside of me

How long can this last? 
When I myself weep with the rain
and I myself scream with the wind
and I myself feel like a storm
How long can this last? 

And although I feel like "the game is on me"
I feel like I've won
(because) as tragic as this may seem
I live, heartbroken 
But I live

Thursday, August 25, 2011

I Am Something Else

I am not a pilgrim 
My shoes have barely touched the ground
Barely have I learned to knit
My fingers stiff with thoughts
They are my weapons, for uselessness
For numbing, poor pilgrims
Worshipers of sort
Devoted to what?

What have they learned in their travels?
Pilgrim, wise- not
A name fitted for very little wonder
Wandering to be called pilgrims!

I am not a pilgrim, nor I thrive to be
Religion makes them kneel 
To excuse nature?
To supplicate for what Mother has given

I am not a pilgrim because I am 
Something else
And though I've barely learned a lesson
needless to say two
I have nature free in me
walking aligned
From  Within.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I Am Not A Poet

I am not a poet because
my words come together
they make very little sense
most of the time
It's because I'm hurting
or because I'm lost
and want to find my way with words

I am not a poet because
I can with my fingers type
But when a true poet writes
he's found meaning
and words having their way
break through
splatters of thought
become the paper's words
and that is what a poet is

I am not a poet
Because I am little
A poet is bigger than life
And my life is worth a dime

I am not a poet
and I'm not ashamed to say it.
But if one day, (maybe soon)
I begin to feel otherwise
I will probably embrace it 
fall back on my natural wit
and say with my actor voice:
I am a poet.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I Am Yours

I must forget my song
the one that says:
"How can I be yours?"
Now I am sitting in a crisis
I cry but the visiting tear stays upstairs
In the attic of my dreams
So I see someone else’s…
Someone else’s lamp
Lighting above the distance of You
You become my moon and I hope to become your-
All these thoughts revisiting all these wishes
So…must I, must I, must I!? 
I must forget-
My song continues to ride down that road alone
I must forget- this song

Right now though the darkness wins
One hundred percent here
Somewhere else at this very moment 
I win but not here
I feel like a loser
Because I have lost
That song that once was mine now
is lost. 
That song that still says:

"How can I be yours?"

I am yours but you're not mine
so I've lost. 

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Contemplating My Very Existence

It has a way of walking in
Love, sometimes blind
But never deaf
As it slithers swiftly through 
the very cracks
It feels right at times
And sometimes it feels just wrong
For me to be so onward!

Love, you have a face that only I recognize
When I myself love
When I myself live
The small ticking of my heart has a way
Of making music to yours
I feel more love in my love
Because I listen,
You lighting with your breath my candle
It does light up the orbit, the world
My very existence resonates

They see me, and see what goddess you turned me into
You with your very brush, take me
for who I am, never mistaking me for a flower
but always giving me water to live
Eagerly you help me contemplate my very existence
Love, you walk in to what love I have
And for that very reason... It lives!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The World In My Hands

The world is truly in my hands
I understand that I can hold it now
Because you make the blood inside
Of me scream
And I beam
And I myself scream

The world trembles in me too
When you too
Begin to scream with me
I then lean
I feel and think
I break when you break
You break because I can’t hold you
Like I hold the world
But you beam
And you scream too

The world is truly in my hands
I understand you 
the way I think
I can see
But I am blind to you
When you can see
Please see!
I beam, and you beam
And now we’re one.

Then the world is truly in my hands.

Thursday, August 4, 2011


Butterfly come land inside of me
I have turned you into one
Inside of me.

Your colors are like I am to a man
Here and now
Inside me

Cover me,  but don't let me bleed
Because I am only human
A woman
Fill me up with lights
And drown me
But know that I am only human
Music is not here
Inside of me

Oh butterfly land inside me
and find me
Blind me
and let me not see
what you are outside me

Inside of me
I know you breathe better
Inside of me
I know you're meant to be
Inside of me
I do believe
That you inside of me

Saturday, July 23, 2011

The Dame Releases All Her Pain

The Dame releases all her pain
Pounding on to him
As for her, still unfulfilled 
and frustrated
Left on his doorstep
A care package for anyone ready to receive it
Still work ahead

The Dame releases all her pain
Prickly little things flooding her head 
with undesired thoughts
all this is still ahead
Dame can't see
How is one to get better 
Without the want to get better
Self inflicting pain

Leaving earth, oh that thought-
Dame numbed for a while till
Then comes her Knight and shining armor
And lifting his sword
Cuts himself and bleeds all over Dame
Releasing all her wants and needs
and all the choices come flooding down on her

Now Dame is ready to recover strength
keeping her busy: licking the wounds of Knight
The Dame has purpose now.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

A Question To My Lover (Nothing)

I am now a question to my lover
My lover knows nothing
If it is all
That’s all he knows

Does "nothing" mean he needs to know?
A thought, is thought but buried low
And so it’s hard for him to hear
I want to speak and yet I mute
I mute tonight, so he can’t hear…
Nothing’s said

I am now a question to my lover
Nothing is the word to birth a zero
And so nothing (white noise possibly)
Is all that’s uttered 
with lips so tight
A fighter, who am I
If my lover knows nothing

He waits to hear and so time passes
Yet I near to nothing, still
I lock my deed and beg him (hmm)
Practically unannounced, my words
Come tumbling and tumbling they land on zero
And nothing worded

I am now a question to myself
And what am I, what I desire to be had?
I am to say… without a word

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Between This Madness

It is a feeling between confusion and anger where these tears lie
It is more like what, than why 
I am confronted with
What is
I am in here- in my body
Yet I am not sure why
Why do I ask why in my answers
Or is it my quest or my journey to be
To live inside these…
So I walk or crawl
Sit or stand
In the midst of this
So I ask and cry for a release
And want to be held ever so close
Guarded from my own anger and fears
Guarded from my own perpetration
Relaxing somewhere deep in my imagination
Ever so briefly…
Ever so
Between this madness
These questions.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Life Was Here

Here I am, in my discontent
Red and thorny
All I am
Heathen scent. “Life Was here”
My displeasure lives (without hesitation) 
My home
My garden, blooming yet
I am – that posted sign
After all: I am
It is I the one dispairing 
Or is it everything around me?
I am wet- Oh mindless rain!
Without a slight sense of measure
I am torn beautifully
Left to die- no mourning
“Life Was Here”

Bright angel
Who lights me
Sweet and bitter- bitter sweet
for sure- I know
What beauty is left here- what beauty lies
what beauty dies
here, I am.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Diagnosed By Me

If I determine for myself
What I can't for myself determine
I begin to with a question, search
No desperation, no pressures
Because the answer is, without a doubt,
Right here with me
If I determine that it is
But I never appointed this other thing
This fallen feather, this rain
To help me with determining...
The acquisition of answers are natural to my persona
It comes naturally
So If I do well, with my considered
determination, use all of me with a little help 
from nature, I will always be established
And diagnosed by me, as me-
Complete and fully germinated!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

I With Silence Lie

I with silence lie
Sorrow just like my sorrow
Cries just like my cries
Laughter- oh like an echo rises into the sky
Silence with- I lie
Golden at times and at times moldy
Hallow like deeper than air in a cave
And a cast of ants dancing to Silence
I would love to see
Myself receiving the message that it delivers
But it’s my state to be
To lie and wait for (my) silence
In the midst of the night even sounds manifest
Leaving even less room for my silencing port
So if I thought at once, the shutting of eyes or
The shooting of thoughts would have silence
At my door, all these knocks at my door…
Deliver me even more lies
Sorrow knows sorrow well
My cries, my laughter-
My Silence.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

You're Not Here (I'm a Widow For Now)

There is a quiet space in my soul
It calls your hands to me
And you climb down my legs and down
Between my toes
I feel this intense yearning
But you’re not here
Not because I don’t feel you but because
You really are not here-
The clock on my wall does seem to count--
Look I remember you 
In my body… clearly

So I hang upside down
just to allow the blood
Which is you
To travel up (or down) my throat
My stomach is empty and I feel…
Lost for a moment.
Where are you! My mind screams
And like a flash
Of thought
Of you
Appear this you I know

And you walk into this dark room
And with your toes you dig in
then you check my strings
Making sure they are still strong?
(since born from a scorn I was)
I feel you
But I know you are not here

-My shoulders have carried this face
For so long that even now
I’m grateful to have it

And blood rushes into my eyes
And I see that my dreams are nothing like yours
You are awake somewhere, not here

You are possibly crying or holding yourself so tightly
That I feel it, but you’re not here

My stomach is empty
god! you’re not here
To feed me or give me water

I pull and yank the strings that have held me
Ever so far from the ground
And I finally fall
Yes, all my pieces fall so hard that 
my left elbow brakes
And my face, which has for so many years
Protected me, as much as harmed me
Finally finds peace on the ground
And the finger imprints you left goes
And this peace takes over me 
You’re not here

So if you’re not here could it be that
What was will never be 
Or what will be will be
Like you, I don’t know
I’m a widow for now.

Monday, June 20, 2011

I Can't Invent You

There I am walking under the umbrella
Of heaven
I was almost caught up
With you again
You made me scream but the sound muted
Left me
You dream like I dream but my dreams
Take on a new meaning when I meet you

You walk away like I walk away
You speak away like I speak away
So you bruise me like I bruise me
And I confuse my steps with yours
Because today is Monday
A day in the month of June
And I still love you

I’m walking under the umbrella of heaven
Blue and filled with clouds I walk
Needless to say, you know
I can’t invent you like you invent me
You made me up somewhere in your dreams
Like I made you mine some years ago
And now I pay for it- another go
At it

I was caught up with your smile
But it gave me a shock
And I knew where I had to go…
Walking away like you walk away
With some sign
of salvation
It means some intervention
Will be taking place but I can’t resist
Playing games with the rules
If rules are made to be broken
Than I want to break them just
To rebuild them-
You walk away and you want me
To stay (like a dog
Kneeling at the foot of the door)
Yet you walk away
Where I in no way could reach you
So because today is Monday
A day in the month of June
I still love you

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

This Was Yesterday

The girl with her curls (beautiful fro)
Runs down the street with a ripe banana

The woman's legs are quite nice
But her shoes seems to be ruining her posture...

The mother sits there fixing her daughters hair - 
she pulls it back tightly and pins it... somewhat indelicately

She is lost, clutching a paper and she asks: 
where is ninth avenue, where is ninth avenue? 

A mother stands up, ready to leave with her son- 
he looks like he suffered a terrible injury... 
the left side of his cheek is covered in stitches. 
And I wonder: why does this happen?

A man's legs the size of his neighbor?

A ragged looking woman could be a very important person.

A man called Spike Lee strollin' into Starbucks.

A one arm man sitting in the train-
He looked empty... his eyes.

The rain is in my eyes!

And a long day full of adventure.... it ends now. 

This was Tuesday- yesterday. 

Sunday, June 12, 2011

I See You

I will always, deep where there are no birds flying
Love you when there are no other breathing things
Taking life out of me
Because I think you know…
It’s hard to breath right now

I know you walk down the pathway because it’s been paved
(Foolishly I will be there)
Where the shit has turned to stone
Where the smell of you has taken many forms
Where the word LOVE has become a statue
I stand there, right inside it
I see you

I will always, deep where there are no other yous
Be under your…
Under your strength and under your smoke
Breathing a deep, deep sigh
I walk by the tree that has lost it roots from too much hurt
The pain, my window pain isn’t quite seeing you like I see you
That is because you’re always walking
Walking passed it and on it and in it
I see you

I will always, deep where there are only burning branches
Because I don’t mind…
My tired legs have been pulsating
And I have been poisoning myself
with more thoughts of you
It’s okay that you can’t dig
It’s okay that you won’t be
Until I open my eyes for good
And close them for bad and badly hurt doing so
I was born to bruise
Since, wait
I see you

I will always, deep inside fight against you- with you
Because I love you
I see you
I do. 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Hips of Earth

These boots are broken 
New notes are set to rhyme
Unglued by how well the thyme-
Has the moon shone 
In the bottom of the boat?
Only to glow from it's burning sun
And to thrust the hips of earth on the barren sun

And so I walk on bleak and lifeless lands
And lift my broken arms 
To the dessert of my soul

What I've nurtured from my citrus tree
My friend here has ripped it's leaves
And left the instincts of the barren Mothers crying
Without pain "I can not live" 
Without You I will just die- 
So I won't survive this thirsty earth- 
I will live in some other earth instead!
With out you.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Gray Of Your Heart

When I think of how much love I have to offer
And I think of how much I can do at once
I realize that we weren’t created to always give
But to receive-  a gift
So, if I can’t receive (... I am also selfish?)

What is love?
Is it a deep intense feeling?
Like a tornado: grabbing, pulling and pushing your skeleton
Everyday marking you inside
On the gray of your heart
And you suffer or you make others suffer?

Or is love like ice on a summer day
Sitting in central park
Licking away at your icicle

Or in a winter day
Sitting on the rooftop of your building
Feeling like an icicle yourself
And having no one around to lick you

What is love?  Just another stupid
Stupid question.

Monday, June 6, 2011

You Only Know What I Want You To...

You only know what I want you to...

So I will sit on this bread and hope you have the butter
I will walk to the park and wait to hear from you
My phone, I left it home
(I lost it actually)
I will sit at the bus stop waiting for you until
You come pick me up
I will go to the store hoping you will come rescue me
(I gave my last dollars to the guy on the corner with his dirty cup clinking)
I will go to the beach and hope you will come fish me out
I will go to the bakery and hope you will walk in to feed me
(Something sweet)
I will go to the Halloween shop and hope than on my birthday
You on bended knee offer me a plastic ring
(And say: I’ve been waiting for you all my life)
I will walk to the corner of my room and stand there till
I see the shadow of your feet from the bottom of my door
And I will walk to the cemetery with flowers in my hands
And offer them to the many dead loved ones that no one loved
And I will wait by the lottery bank and wait for that
Ring in my ear to disappear and for you to appear
And I will wait in the middle of the highway hoping
You will be driving slow enough to see me
I will be there waiting. Waiting and hoping for you to come
In any form to do what you want to do

Because you only know what I want you to… 
Which means you know more than me
When you do.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

How I Died

I left my brain on the window of the car
I felt the bullet ride through me and into the back seat
The last sound I heard was you
“What happened!!”
My pulse was slowing down and I felt
The warmth of my body begin to leave and
Enter into dust
Humid air filled with the smell of dirty
I felt a tingling in my right foot
Pain in my left and I felt your skin for a moment
a moment
And then, as if drowning my heart slowly
Tightened and my soul left me
I felt it.
That is when I saw the whole of the earth
The air filled with white light
And the tremor of my being
Go and go… till the rest of the world seized to exist and
Then it Was THE END.

The End of Earth: So Be It

If earth has decided that the time has come to throw
Us down a never ending tube
Us fragile things
Then I guess so be it
I have control over nothing… 

Except of my needs
Sometimes: When I need it’s because
This little hand lifts you
like a crushed piece of paper
Flings you to your need
You land on water and that is it for you
You land on more air and land on dirt
And hope you that this need has a better idea

If earth has decided that this is the time to burn
I want to be a rock
But heaven knows I could only look like one
Because inside there: little worms are waiting to breath
And fragile still I would be

If earth decided that this is the time to burst
I want to be filled- hot air myself so that I can fly…
But I am here, just a human made up of
Skin and bones, fragile.
Fragile, Frafile, Fragile!

So so be it. I have no control in the end- I am of the earth and
I will live pass the earth and into that tube
Then so be it.

Monday, May 30, 2011

I Was There

I was there when I realized
I had arrived
But It was too late!
I think the bus was gone before I had
even decided to leave
But if that is true then 
that’s unfair
Oh, that word is a ridiculous one, isn’t it?
Un fair means what? So I leave
Like tulips stop living after spring has noticed
And leaves leave trees after it has enjoyed its flourish

It’s like loving a woman, but nobody understands the beast
She is poison because when you drink too much of her
She kills you. She makes you warm and then she leaves
Like those leaves

And then men, when you love a man
He finally understands you a little then it gets too scary
So he runs under the bed and wishes he never came out of the womb
He hates not to be understood but for you to understand that- hell
(They need you to be a ghost?)
get them taken care of 
but then make sure you leave no trace behind, will you!?
It’s a puzzle. 

I was there when I realized
I have arrived
She is on top of that tree and he is under ground, right below.
But I think I have it all wrong.

I have changed (the map) because since the bus done leave
I won’t stand here being stood up.

SO with her poison and his will to stay confused
“Only one thing at a time woman!”
I had arrived here because I am still wishing to be
My self in this world… and you be a man in this maiden earth
I should care - so I do

And I write you on my books so that you notice me
A beast, a ghost and you misunderstood and puzzled by it. 

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I Stroll With My Parts All Apart

I strolled with my head in my hand.
I fell with my heart in my arms
I stood with my chest on my back
So I live with my parts all apart

And people like that- don’t they?
Is it because I am unusual.
Unusually stomped
Breast-less lover
Beastly thoughtful
And unforgettably fucked up
That, that attracts you?

I stroll with my parts all apart because
I see you so perfectly placed and in tune
And I can’t bare looking like you in this deserted place
SO I walk this way and that way so you can see that I am-
I, I am a dream in this dreadful place
I am standing like a miracle
I am, standing and you look at me
As if there is something “unique”
But what you experience is you in me
But I am stubborn
Because I was alone when I came to earth
They took me away
And made me, me for a whole day
I was sent to this cubicle and my umbilical cord
Broke, in his hands, in her hands

So I stroll with my parts all apart
And give thanks (to the above)
That I am a gift to the world
Or at least I think, you think?

I stroll with all my dreams and I see them leave me
I fall with my heart in my arms, but I hold it tight
Not to suffocate it but to embrace it
And I stand here naked, clothed with embarrassment
That you haven’t noticed
All of me
Here standing with my parts all apart
You can’t stop until you feel the weight of my shoulders
Because that is why this place was created
To deliver me to me.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

When I love /// He is a Man

When I love
I love for nothing
I feel an intense feeling and then it turns
Into wingless birds
Filled with truth and boundless on earth
It says “come” this love
When I love
I let you hold me
When I Love
I love for nothing
Because there
this feeling is bountiful
And spiritful
When I love
I am a child and know nothing
But I feel helpless and then
I realize I love
So when you love
That is the lesson learned


My father is alone
With absolutely no head
He leads the pack to territories
Of danger… underground bombs?
The air there is…
If you breathe it you will feel a tightness in your chest
And you will probably die
My father is alone because
I left
Because I don’t understand why
Can’t you just SLOW DOWN!
I begin to under- stand the
Reason but I have to admit
I don’t like it
My father is not alone because I left
He’s alone because he’s misunderstood-
He is a man.