Thursday, June 30, 2011

Life Was Here

Here I am, in my discontent
Red and thorny
All I am
Heathen scent. “Life Was here”
My displeasure lives (without hesitation) 
My home
My garden, blooming yet
I am – that posted sign
After all: I am
It is I the one dispairing 
Or is it everything around me?
I am wet- Oh mindless rain!
Without a slight sense of measure
I am torn beautifully
Left to die- no mourning
“Life Was Here”

Bright angel
Who lights me
Sweet and bitter- bitter sweet
for sure- I know
What beauty is left here- what beauty lies
what beauty dies
here, I am.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Diagnosed By Me

If I determine for myself
What I can't for myself determine
I begin to with a question, search
No desperation, no pressures
Because the answer is, without a doubt,
Right here with me
If I determine that it is
But I never appointed this other thing
This fallen feather, this rain
To help me with determining...
The acquisition of answers are natural to my persona
It comes naturally
So If I do well, with my considered
determination, use all of me with a little help 
from nature, I will always be established
And diagnosed by me, as me-
Complete and fully germinated!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

I With Silence Lie

I with silence lie
Sorrow just like my sorrow
Cries just like my cries
Laughter- oh like an echo rises into the sky
Silence with- I lie
Golden at times and at times moldy
Hallow like deeper than air in a cave
And a cast of ants dancing to Silence
I would love to see
Myself receiving the message that it delivers
But it’s my state to be
To lie and wait for (my) silence
In the midst of the night even sounds manifest
Leaving even less room for my silencing port
So if I thought at once, the shutting of eyes or
The shooting of thoughts would have silence
At my door, all these knocks at my door…
Deliver me even more lies
Sorrow knows sorrow well
My cries, my laughter-
My Silence.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

You're Not Here (I'm a Widow For Now)

There is a quiet space in my soul
It calls your hands to me
And you climb down my legs and down
Between my toes
I feel this intense yearning
But you’re not here
Not because I don’t feel you but because
You really are not here-
The clock on my wall does seem to count--
Look I remember you 
In my body… clearly

So I hang upside down
just to allow the blood
Which is you
To travel up (or down) my throat
My stomach is empty and I feel…
Lost for a moment.
Where are you! My mind screams
And like a flash
Of thought
Of you
Appear this you I know

And you walk into this dark room
And with your toes you dig in
then you check my strings
Making sure they are still strong?
(since born from a scorn I was)
I feel you
But I know you are not here

-My shoulders have carried this face
For so long that even now
I’m grateful to have it

And blood rushes into my eyes
And I see that my dreams are nothing like yours
You are awake somewhere, not here

You are possibly crying or holding yourself so tightly
That I feel it, but you’re not here

My stomach is empty
god! you’re not here
To feed me or give me water

I pull and yank the strings that have held me
Ever so far from the ground
And I finally fall
Yes, all my pieces fall so hard that 
my left elbow brakes
And my face, which has for so many years
Protected me, as much as harmed me
Finally finds peace on the ground
And the finger imprints you left goes
And this peace takes over me 
You’re not here

So if you’re not here could it be that
What was will never be 
Or what will be will be
Like you, I don’t know
I’m a widow for now.

Monday, June 20, 2011

I Can't Invent You

There I am walking under the umbrella
Of heaven
I was almost caught up
With you again
You made me scream but the sound muted
Left me
You dream like I dream but my dreams
Take on a new meaning when I meet you

You walk away like I walk away
You speak away like I speak away
So you bruise me like I bruise me
And I confuse my steps with yours
Because today is Monday
A day in the month of June
And I still love you

I’m walking under the umbrella of heaven
Blue and filled with clouds I walk
Needless to say, you know
I can’t invent you like you invent me
You made me up somewhere in your dreams
Like I made you mine some years ago
And now I pay for it- another go
At it

I was caught up with your smile
But it gave me a shock
And I knew where I had to go…
Walking away like you walk away
With some sign
of salvation
It means some intervention
Will be taking place but I can’t resist
Playing games with the rules
If rules are made to be broken
Than I want to break them just
To rebuild them-
You walk away and you want me
To stay (like a dog
Kneeling at the foot of the door)
Yet you walk away
Where I in no way could reach you
So because today is Monday
A day in the month of June
I still love you

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

This Was Yesterday

The girl with her curls (beautiful fro)
Runs down the street with a ripe banana

The woman's legs are quite nice
But her shoes seems to be ruining her posture...

The mother sits there fixing her daughters hair - 
she pulls it back tightly and pins it... somewhat indelicately

She is lost, clutching a paper and she asks: 
where is ninth avenue, where is ninth avenue? 

A mother stands up, ready to leave with her son- 
he looks like he suffered a terrible injury... 
the left side of his cheek is covered in stitches. 
And I wonder: why does this happen?

A man's legs the size of his neighbor?

A ragged looking woman could be a very important person.

A man called Spike Lee strollin' into Starbucks.

A one arm man sitting in the train-
He looked empty... his eyes.

The rain is in my eyes!

And a long day full of adventure.... it ends now. 

This was Tuesday- yesterday. 

Sunday, June 12, 2011

I See You

I will always, deep where there are no birds flying
Love you when there are no other breathing things
Taking life out of me
Because I think you know…
It’s hard to breath right now

I know you walk down the pathway because it’s been paved
(Foolishly I will be there)
Where the shit has turned to stone
Where the smell of you has taken many forms
Where the word LOVE has become a statue
I stand there, right inside it
I see you

I will always, deep where there are no other yous
Be under your…
Under your strength and under your smoke
Breathing a deep, deep sigh
I walk by the tree that has lost it roots from too much hurt
The pain, my window pain isn’t quite seeing you like I see you
That is because you’re always walking
Walking passed it and on it and in it
I see you

I will always, deep where there are only burning branches
Because I don’t mind…
My tired legs have been pulsating
And I have been poisoning myself
with more thoughts of you
It’s okay that you can’t dig
It’s okay that you won’t be
Until I open my eyes for good
And close them for bad and badly hurt doing so
I was born to bruise
Since, wait
I see you

I will always, deep inside fight against you- with you
Because I love you
I see you
I do. 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Hips of Earth

These boots are broken 
New notes are set to rhyme
Unglued by how well the thyme-
Has the moon shone 
In the bottom of the boat?
Only to glow from it's burning sun
And to thrust the hips of earth on the barren sun

And so I walk on bleak and lifeless lands
And lift my broken arms 
To the dessert of my soul

What I've nurtured from my citrus tree
My friend here has ripped it's leaves
And left the instincts of the barren Mothers crying
Without pain "I can not live" 
Without You I will just die- 
So I won't survive this thirsty earth- 
I will live in some other earth instead!
With out you.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Gray Of Your Heart

When I think of how much love I have to offer
And I think of how much I can do at once
I realize that we weren’t created to always give
But to receive-  a gift
So, if I can’t receive (... I am also selfish?)

What is love?
Is it a deep intense feeling?
Like a tornado: grabbing, pulling and pushing your skeleton
Everyday marking you inside
On the gray of your heart
And you suffer or you make others suffer?

Or is love like ice on a summer day
Sitting in central park
Licking away at your icicle

Or in a winter day
Sitting on the rooftop of your building
Feeling like an icicle yourself
And having no one around to lick you

What is love?  Just another stupid
Stupid question.

Monday, June 6, 2011

You Only Know What I Want You To...

You only know what I want you to...

So I will sit on this bread and hope you have the butter
I will walk to the park and wait to hear from you
My phone, I left it home
(I lost it actually)
I will sit at the bus stop waiting for you until
You come pick me up
I will go to the store hoping you will come rescue me
(I gave my last dollars to the guy on the corner with his dirty cup clinking)
I will go to the beach and hope you will come fish me out
I will go to the bakery and hope you will walk in to feed me
(Something sweet)
I will go to the Halloween shop and hope than on my birthday
You on bended knee offer me a plastic ring
(And say: I’ve been waiting for you all my life)
I will walk to the corner of my room and stand there till
I see the shadow of your feet from the bottom of my door
And I will walk to the cemetery with flowers in my hands
And offer them to the many dead loved ones that no one loved
And I will wait by the lottery bank and wait for that
Ring in my ear to disappear and for you to appear
And I will wait in the middle of the highway hoping
You will be driving slow enough to see me
I will be there waiting. Waiting and hoping for you to come
In any form to do what you want to do

Because you only know what I want you to… 
Which means you know more than me
When you do.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

How I Died

I left my brain on the window of the car
I felt the bullet ride through me and into the back seat
The last sound I heard was you
“What happened!!”
My pulse was slowing down and I felt
The warmth of my body begin to leave and
Enter into dust
Humid air filled with the smell of dirty
I felt a tingling in my right foot
Pain in my left and I felt your skin for a moment
a moment
And then, as if drowning my heart slowly
Tightened and my soul left me
I felt it.
That is when I saw the whole of the earth
The air filled with white light
And the tremor of my being
Go and go… till the rest of the world seized to exist and
Then it Was THE END.

The End of Earth: So Be It

If earth has decided that the time has come to throw
Us down a never ending tube
Us fragile things
Then I guess so be it
I have control over nothing… 

Except of my needs
Sometimes: When I need it’s because
This little hand lifts you
like a crushed piece of paper
Flings you to your need
You land on water and that is it for you
You land on more air and land on dirt
And hope you that this need has a better idea

If earth has decided that this is the time to burn
I want to be a rock
But heaven knows I could only look like one
Because inside there: little worms are waiting to breath
And fragile still I would be

If earth decided that this is the time to burst
I want to be filled- hot air myself so that I can fly…
But I am here, just a human made up of
Skin and bones, fragile.
Fragile, Frafile, Fragile!

So so be it. I have no control in the end- I am of the earth and
I will live pass the earth and into that tube
Then so be it.