He Said That To Me

When the blues came in and held me
I knew I had lost my mind
It's true because
I was (almost religiously) taken
by my swollen arms
And thrown into a puddle of mud

A day ago
I had been obsessed
With my sad face, my drowning spirit
Had taken all my hurt and made my
Fears disappear and reappear with a clown suit -
and no clowns are welcomed here!
He said that to me.
He said I should leave!
He said I don't deserve him!

And I cried. And saw my tears disappear like magic.
And the stone melted my ice cream
I longed to scream
and I longed to touch him
Myself
Me
I long to touch myself too
Like that mud that ran down my face
I am magic he said
So disappear he said

I said
For fuckin' god sakes
GROW UP!
And he said goodbye
And that's the last time I felt pain
The last time I felt invisible
And now I'm known for my courage and known for my brains
My brain is happy
Like it was never before
And I learned to tell jokes
I learned how to say 'Goodbye'
Goodbye too.

Goodbye!

No Longer Lost In You

We are no longer tied
by invisible strings
I am no longer an item
on your wish list
and I am no longer inspired
to be your muse...

I am no longer this pretty thing
that hits you
that bites you
that loves you, like that
the way you want or wanted me
was like putting a pole in between us
And our reaching arms would almost touch
Our finger tips touched
sometimes

We are no longer tired of each other
or angry for some petty thing
or happy to eat ice cream while
watching figures move on your tv screen
We are no longer kissing in showers
Or whatever lovers do
After storms pass

How winter makes lonely people lonelier
have you forgotten because I have
I have forgotten
I am no longer inspired
or no longer wish to hold you close
I am no longer your muse

And when I see you walking by with empty hands
I no longer want to feel them or fill them up with me
because I am no longer lost in you.

No longer your muse.