Saturday, January 19, 2013

A Poet Fights in Frozen Times

"I wish I hadn't been on ice for twenty years"
She says, with a superficial smile
And proclaiming with few words "I thought I did good"

When there are words
In a cabinet, letters of how the moon was close like a friend-  this was before Facebook or twitter or whatever... I vowed to take your place in the war but only because I thought you'd stop yourself from going - And I'd be able to say: "oh, he is my brother... he cares for me, I care for him" but I now see your intentions weren't my intentions just anything but interventions.

I wrote to you, with eyes closed, I wrote to you because I knew I didn't need to see to know how much I love you. You said "Go, you said go and don't look back" And oh, what a sister you were. What a friend!

My cabinet is filled with letters, with words. And mostly covered in coffee stains and in dirt
You in the heat, with your sweat dripping on this paper I read, and I get it. Yes I get it, filled with memories I have yet to live
You love I see you love
You need and like all else that caries life -I need
We're all in need

And so yes you're frozen
And I too perhaps am frozen with guilt
Frozen with fear
That I have yet to thaw all my emotions
Write them - no dammit no! Not on a paper... Nobody does that anymore
Poets write on machines these days
She says "when will the time come again? When will you sit and write a letter to me?" Yes I chose to fight the war! Yes I chose to live my life in storybooks
In someone's head
But I still need you. Like you- I still need you!

So maybe the time will never come
When you will sit again and write a letter
You are perhaps dead even
Dead like the sea, yes the Dead Sea
Dead while I wonder
How I became me

You are still frozen, like me frozen
And I can't even begin to bring you to life
Because my sister you are somewhere in my head
My brother you are real...
But maybe frozen still like me

We came from the same womb.
How different can I be from you?
How different, tell me!?

I wish I could write like you did. And although I don't wish the war on you like you wished it on you.... I love you.
What petty those three words can be
I love you
However you may be, I love you.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

A Story Out Of Me

The bomb blew pieces of my heart
I see the slivers of it lying by your feet
And you believe you have done nothing
I too believe you have
You have taken some poison
For me
You have taken those knives you call hands
And made a story out of me
Out of my heart
And now it aches
And more it aches
And so it aches

The bomb called love
Has also left me without legs
Left me without
You, without hands
And it's made the ounce [of heart] that's left
That's in my body cry
You've made a story out of me
And now it aches
What's left, it aches

I don't feel pain
Ok that is a lie
I lie for you
I lie to have you lie to me
And tell me
Please tell me
Dear heart I need you
Dear heart I miss you
- But I have only this one ounce to give
To give
To give to you.

It must feel good
Feel so damned good
I've left you
All alone with-
All alone to smile that smile
And alone to laugh those laughters
And you have tears
That tear ME
That tore me

My heart is light- what happens when an ounce of something is left of a pound?

A story is left.

A fucking story!

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

I Was This Close

I was this close to forgetting you
This close to letting you go
And because I once held you
I knew what "being held" was
and really, I know

I was this close
The heat of your breath
had left me
And now I feel you
Like the trees outside
These shadows on my bedroom door
So close to forgetting I was
I know

Our world is full of shadows
They are everywhere
Even below my bed since
I woke with fear
I screamed and that is why I'm here
These fucking shadows
I know

I was so close to leaving
Maybe too close
Oh shadow, oh cold shadows
Why'd you make food out of me-
Why'd you bring this wretched question to me-  to my knees
To my clasped hands
I look, I see, I was this close
I know