You're Not Here (I'm a Widow For Now)

There is a quiet space in my soul

It calls your hands to me

And you climb down my legs and down

Between my toes

I feel this intense yearning

But you’re not here

Not because I don’t feel you but because

You really are not here-

The clock on my wall does seem to count--

Look I remember you 

In my body… clearly

So I hang upside down

just to allow the blood

Which is you

To travel up (or down) my throat

My stomach is empty and I feel…

Lost for a moment.

Where are you! My mind screams

And like a flash

Of thought

Of you

Appear this you I know

And you walk into this dark room

And with your toes you dig in

then you check my strings

Making sure they are still strong?

(since born from a scorn I was)

I feel you

But I know you are not here

-My shoulders have carried this face

For so long that even now

I’m grateful to have it

And blood rushes into my eyes

And I see that my dreams are nothing like yours

You are awake somewhere, not here

You are possibly crying or holding yourself so tightly

That I feel it, but you’re not here

My stomach is empty

god! you’re not here

To feed me or give me water

I pull and yank the strings that have held me

Ever so far from the ground

And I finally fall

Yes, all my pieces fall so hard that 

my left elbow brakes

And my face, which has for so many years

Protected me, as much as harmed me

Finally finds peace on the ground

And the finger imprints you left goes

And this peace takes over me 

You’re not here

So if you’re not here could it be that

What was will never be 

Or what will be will be

Like you, I don’t know

I’m a widow for now.