Saturday, May 26, 2012

Here It Is:

I feel like
writing a letter to my soul today
I would start with Dear
and end with I wish you were here
I would ask "where are you

When are you coming to me 
like I come to you... You betrayed me
You took my lollipop and now I feel
so sad...  don't you know when my mouth 
is busy I have no time to talk or even 

Where is the nearest stop sign?
the big red love affair
has to begin
and not when the loud noises
of New York City on a Saturday 
morning- goddammit! 

I do open my eyes
I am still sleeping
but do you believe me?
I see you change like the arms of my clock 
you come around and 'round
me when? 
Are you waiting for me, huh
someplace else for me? 

I have written you once before 
or maybe thrice
and you still forget 
that I am no longer
a child... I am.
I am, I am, I am! 

When, did you say you were coming!? 
Right when I thought you'd become one with me
you show withering signs and I have no hope

I really do end this letter with
"Yours Truly" 
But what does that mean exactly? 
I've often wondered if they reach you too
If there is a ring of truth in my words too
just to feel like you understand me and not
you playing "pretend"

So I add the ps
and say come what may
you sit silently 
riding on my tired shoulders or inside me somewhere
waiting for another letter
And here it is:

Saturday, May 5, 2012


I am gray and cause of you
I see myself falling from the edge 
and I pick myself up
drugless I pick myself up 
You try... to pick me up
I am bright
my mother says I'm bright
I am also new 
and old and new
sometimes, to you

I am gray 
you make the colors 
in me darker; you spit black paint into me
and I have fallen from grace 
no, not from God but from you
I've fallen, and keep falling
failing too, and waking up to you
I am not new but old
and new to you sometimes... 
and that's when you knock me up
you knock me up to knock me down again

You want me to rise, that's it. 
You want to see me rise from dead, alive
you want the best for me
the best for me, for you
You want me gray sometimes to see me 
turning red and see me turning red 
and red and red... 
But I'm just gray right now

You say: "Show me your colors"
You sing to me, you praise me 
but only when I turn to you in colors 
Do you believe in me
When gray hides 
And it does, yes it matters to me
You see, what you want to see  
when you look at me, 
with blue, or red and violet
or even pink 
covering your eyes
you see-

I wish my colors 
Would make you proud of me
I wish my colors 
would leave black jealous of my love for you
I am just gray right now-   
I wonder when you would,
Stop spiting black into me!