Here It Is:

I feel like

writing a letter to my soul today

I would start with Dear

and end with I wish you were here

I would ask "where are you

Friend?"

When are you coming to me 

like I come to you... You betrayed me

You took my lollipop and now I feel

so sad...  don't you know when my mouth 

is busy I have no time to talk or even 

complain

Where is the nearest stop sign?

the big red love affair

has to begin

and not when the loud noises

of New York City on a Saturday 

morning- goddammit! 

I do open my eyes

I am still sleeping

but do you believe me?

I see you change like the arms of my clock 

you come around and 'round

me when? 

Are you waiting for me, huh

someplace else for me? 

I have written you once before 

or maybe thrice

and you still forget 

that I am no longer

a child... I am.

I am, I am, I am! 

When, did you say you were coming!? 

Right when I thought you'd become one with me

you show withering signs and I have no hope

I really do end this letter with

"Yours Truly" 

But what does that mean exactly? 

I've often wondered if they reach you too

Friend. 

If there is a ring of truth in my words too

Friend.

just to feel like you understand me and not

you playing "pretend"

Friend.

So I add the ps

and say come what may

you sit silently 

riding on my tired shoulders or inside me somewhere

waiting for another letter

And here it is:

Gray

I am gray and cause of you

I see myself falling from the edge 

and I pick myself up

drugless I pick myself up 

You try... to pick me up

I am bright

my mother says I'm bright

I am also new 

and old and new

sometimes, to you

I am gray 

you make the colors 

in me darker; you spit black paint into me

and I have fallen from grace 

no, not from God but from you

I've fallen, and keep falling

failing too, and waking up to you

I am not new but old

and new to you sometimes... 

and that's when you knock me up

you knock me up to knock me down again

You want me to rise, that's it. 

You want to see me rise from dead, alive

you want the best for me

the best for me, for you

You want me gray sometimes to see me 

turning red and see me turning red 

and red and red... 

But I'm just gray right now

You say: "Show me your colors"

You sing to me, you praise me 

but only when I turn to you in colors 

Do you believe in me

When gray hides 

And it does, yes it matters to me

You see, what you want to see  

when you look at me, 

with blue, or red and violet

or even pink 

covering your eyes

you see-

I wish my colors 

Would make you proud of me

I wish my colors 

would leave black jealous of my love for you

I am just gray right now-   

I wonder when you would,

Stop spiting black into me!