I Just Breathe Differently

I breathe differently
Apparently unrecognizably
to others but I feel it
I feel the narrowness of my pecho, my chest
caves into a box of sand, filled with jewels
And little crystals cut out the air that mingles
with the future of my body's spirit
But still my body's vibrancy lives though
among the little ghostly water drops from
that rock that longs so much to be touched

And like me It feels the need to say:
"I breathe differently" from the mounted
fairies that loom in the cave of my deceased
shell, my empty bucketed thoughts
my empty pushed out tears landing in the sea
of the unknown...

but I breathe differently- And although it was I
I have chosen to lift a mountain
I feel lighter now... The mountain must
give life unlike empty boxes or
puffed filled balloons

The breath isn't so much encased
not really, it appears that the reason I breathe
differently it is because I have decided to
surround myself with possibilities that
at times carry me through deserted territories
and in building new pathways
I find that I am not alone,
I just breathe a little differently. 

Clowns Are Not Welcomed Here

I have something to say but then

I can't stand the parades of clowns walking into my head
They wear these suits and walk around with titles on their faces
They never pick up a toolbox to build
never ever give a hand but find just
Sheer embroidery coming from the inside and outside of their heads

Even I can’t be fooled

While the clowns are gnawing at me

Making noise to re-disturb the patience I’ve cultivated

The strength I was born with

Has been played on

Has been fucked with

But I can’t really be fooled

I have something to say but then

I can’t stand up now with you around me

Because your smell has made this home

An abandoned warehouse with paint buckets spillings

You'd think that clowns would be a little more “together”

But here they are with

Another place to sleep… you think

But Even I can’t be fooled

Even I in this state that I’m in

It’s over, because the earth has thrown me into this alone

It has spanked me with its wretched hands

And I have learned my lesson

Having a weight on my shoulders can be a drag

So I will put you down

And keep you away from my flying spirit

Because it’s time to party

Clowns are not welcomed here. 

Never Empty

There is but a start to a feeling and then

It leaves your body only to return

So you can feel it…

Because without a stop there isn’t a go

There is a beginning-

Only

There is but a start

And in renewing; life becomes adventure

Life is a venture into the wild

And why know tomorrow when today is bare

And this moment, still here, hasn’t even left you

You are never empty; you just don’t want to be full

Because… it is the act of filling that makes life worth living

The doing

The being

The living

The beginning to the beginning

Of feeling – eternal newness into how the word began

Deep in you, a start to what life was always meant to be:

Never Empty.

All Gone From Life

I don't think like a flower anymore
I know I can't live past a moment
because they've taken me
out from my roots
And I use to drink and eat from the soil
and now I return to it
all gone from life

I know I can't come back.
I can't come back like they promise in some sights
or some storybooks...
once I've lost all power
my veins become naught
and I start to dwindle painlessly
I do

I don't think like a flower anymore
well, like I did when I was young
I didn't think that life depended
on earth's riches
That I stood without help... without.
I hadn't realized that a human
would come, cut me out one day
And I had to depend on his kindness instead 
 
I was so used to the sun returning to face me
to warm me, to love me

I don't think like a flower anymore
because I have seen myself
fall and without strength 
I fall to never to stand tall again, to come back
But I disappear into the soil like
My mother and her sisters have
I wish I'd known that my time here was timed

I have grown a little too late
And a little too late I'm learned.

I Am Not Guilty

I captured the bird with my eyes closed
It was white and now
I have to face the doubt that I have
Was he the one to pay for all my sins?
Am I not guilty or do I pretend-
the day is now
that I begin to feel a drop of rain on my forehead
I feel so dry inside
I have been caring the wrong way
Making him breathless and
making him squirm
when all I needed was to quietly suffer
I needed to put my hands on my mouth instead?
No!
I needed to tell Him that I too am deserving
That I too am white like he

I captured the bird with my black hands
My hands had all but been my friend
And I'm not guilty still
I am not brought upon the white gleaming
light to say: I am guilty.

I held the bird tightly
with all my need
because I too am white just
deeper inside than you
I too am white although my skin is black

You captured me and then you let me go
You captured me
you knew that with my broken legs
I couldn't fly
you left my pieces lying there
And without shame you say:
I am not guilty
But you are too.

I Turned To Dust

I went up the mountain
in order to see clearly
and while I was there
There you were
jumping over lower hills...
I was watching you
Waiting for that whisper
That lulled me to sleep some years ago

I had climbed to reach you
nakedly in view
but you were too busy riding on
the tail of the wind to feel my gaze
Or to see that I have been with you
and not quite away from you
Reaching toward you and hoping
you'd want to come and stand by me...

So I stood there alone, almost paralyzed
by the cold and wind that blew
some 20 years off me
And I oh child, I am,
dressed with golden leaves
Yes, quite aware of my weakness

I saw you riding the tail of it
Smiling about the very thing
I couldn't understand, and I cried
Because something inside me said
"Oh child, you can't go back down
You are way to young to fly among the rest"
and the wind just stopped and you kept riding it
How can it be?
and I cried and cried till the rain
and I became the incarnation of time...
And I turned to dust
right then. 

Roses That Die

You gave me paper roses
That night
and you looked at me with your expectant eyes
and wanted me to believe
Are they real?
They are here
still but the reason why it came to me
The reason why I hold them near
has somewhat disappeared
it has wilted... just like that

And you don't ask me if I love you
And you don't want to know
how you feel
for me, and will I ever walk the streets
with these roses... in the rain
in the snow or during this starry evening
with my hands all sweaty
Could they survive
the judgement of time taking my throat
and choking me... with memories

You gave me paper roses
And I can't remember when
You gave me roses that die
(it's timely life
lives always in our minds
in beauty and in nature)

You gave me paper roses
because you were afraid I'd
desert you? and so it was safer to take
the time to make them
but now..
I cry and I hold these
hoping that my memory will suffice
That this love I have is roses that die.

And I do love you because they
have landed here in the desert of my mind
hoping to live, passed me and always.