How Long Can This Last?

If I become an illusion

It would only be to you

Because you choose to be with me

Without me

You spend days and nights 

Without me

And I sit in my frozen chair 

with you in me

But how long can this last?

I am two times heartbroken 

and one time alive

how can I survive 

Without me 

and you do well 

Without me

How long can the fire last

under water

under pressure

under and after all

How long can your breath live

without me

inside of me

How long can this last? 

When I myself weep with the rain

and I myself scream with the wind

and I myself feel like a storm

How long can this last? 

And although I feel like "the game is on me"

I feel like I've won

(because) as tragic as this may seem

I live, heartbroken 

But I live

I Am Something Else

I am not a pilgrim 

My shoes have barely touched the ground

Barely have I learned to knit

My fingers stiff with thoughts

They are my weapons, for uselessness

For numbing, poor pilgrims

Worshipers of sort

Believers

Devoted to what?

What have they learned in their travels?

Pilgrim, wise- not

A name fitted for very little wonder

Wandering to be called pilgrims!

I am not a pilgrim, nor I thrive to be

Religion makes them kneel 

pleading

To excuse nature?

To supplicate for what Mother has given

Freedom… 

I am not a pilgrim because I am 

Something else

And though I've barely learned a lesson

needless to say two

I have nature free in me

walking aligned

From  Within.

I Am Not A Poet

I am not a poet because
my words come together
they make very little sense
most of the time
It's because I'm hurting
or because I'm lost
and want to find my way with words

I am not a poet because
I can with my fingers type
But when a true poet writes
he's found meaning
and words having their way
break through
splatters of thought
become the paper's words
and that is what a poet is

I am not a poet
Because I am little
A poet is bigger than life
And my life is worth a dime
today

I am not a poet
and I'm not ashamed to say it.
But if one day, (maybe soon)
I begin to feel otherwise
I will probably embrace it 
fall back on my natural wit
and say with my actor voice:
I am a poet.

I Am Yours

I must forget my song

the one that says:

"How can I be yours?"

Now I am sitting in a crisis

I cry but the visiting tear stays upstairs

In the attic of my dreams

So I see someone else’s…

Someone else’s lamp

Lighting above the distance of You

You become my moon and I hope to become your-

All these thoughts revisiting all these wishes

So…must I, must I, must I!? 

I must forget-

My song continues to ride down that road alone

I must forget- this song

Right now though the darkness wins

One hundred percent here

Somewhere else at this very moment 

I win but not here

I feel like a loser

Because I have lost

That song that once was mine now

is lost. 

That song that still says:

"How can I be yours?"

 

I am yours but you're not mine

so I've lost. 

Contemplating My Very Existence

It has a way of walking in

Love, sometimes blind

But never deaf

As it slithers swiftly through 

the very cracks

It feels right at times

And sometimes it feels just wrong

For me to be so onward!

Love, you have a face that only I recognize

When I myself love

When I myself live

The small ticking of my heart has a way

Of making music to yours

I feel more love in my love

Because I listen,

You lighting with your breath my candle

It does light up the orbit, the world

My very existence resonates

They see me, and see what goddess you turned me into

You with your very brush, take me

for who I am, never mistaking me for a flower

but always giving me water to live

Eagerly you help me contemplate my very existence

Love, you walk in to what love I have

And for that very reason... It lives!

The World In My Hands

The world is truly in my hands

I understand that I can hold it now

Because you make the blood inside

Of me scream

And I beam

And I myself scream

The world trembles in me too

When you too

Begin to scream with me

I then lean

I feel and think

I break when you break

You break because I can’t hold you

Like I hold the world

But you beam

And you scream too

The world is truly in my hands

I understand you 

the way I think

I can see

But I am blind to you

When you can see

Please see!

I beam, and you beam

And now we’re one.

Then the world is truly in my hands.

BUTTERFLY INSIDE OF ME

Butterfly come land inside of me
I have turned you into one
Inside of me.

Your colors are like I am to a man
Here and now
Inside me

Cover me,  but don't let me bleed
Because I am only human
A woman
Fill me up with lights
And drown me
But know that I am only human
Music is not here
Inside of me

Oh butterfly land inside me
and find me
Blind me
and let me not see
what you are outside me

Inside of me
I know you breathe better
Inside of me
I know you're meant to be
Inside of me
I do believe
That you inside of me
Live.